I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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