I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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