Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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