I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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