I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
