there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
