The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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