She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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