i just had sex bonerless
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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