Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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