Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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