but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
