you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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