Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
