i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
