Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
