Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
