i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
