I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
