She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
