i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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