have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
