So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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