You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
