just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
