god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
