We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
