i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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