I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
