my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
