And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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