I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
