I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
