She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
