I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
