Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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