***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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