Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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