6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
