not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
