weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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