Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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