I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
