No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we made out on top of his cat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
