just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Boobs speak an international language.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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