i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
