unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
