Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
