my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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