Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
