Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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