well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
