its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
