just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
