dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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