why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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