Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
