I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
