just tell him i said nine months
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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