i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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