david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
