When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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